The Day I Die
by YamiB1999
Summary: Kakashi has had enough of life and finally decides to end it, to pay for the deaths of his dear friends, Obito and sweet Rin, and his Mother, that he believes he is fully responsible for. Based a few months after Rin's tragic death. Rated T for suicide, and a fair warning there is a lot of angst and sad things in this story, and hints of KakashiXRin.


**Yoo hoo! YamiB here! Just thought I should write something up to entertain you guys.**

**And also a quick notice to Aftermath fans. I am so sorry. I haven't stopped writing. It's just, I have GCSEs coming up. We all know how that is. I am under too much stress and hoo haa right now. I swear, if I get a spare minute, I will write something, but for now, alas, we must wait.**

**Now enough about all that junk and whatnot, on with the story!**

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Kakashi looked up as he finally reached the top of the cliff that he had been trying to get to for the past thirty minutes. The sun had shed its light one last time, and now was disappearing as twilight came upon the young, yet advanced shinobi. He had been intending to come here for quite some time now, but too many _things _stopped him and disabled him from doing anything. His thoughts, wondering if it was worth doing it, his feelings, how he would be throwing away everything Obito did for him back then, and his title and Father's legacy.

Even if Sakumo, his Father, the White Fang, had been a disgrace (which he did not think himself) before he died, he still was known as the White Fang's son. Would it be right to follow his Father's footsteps by committing suicide due to depression? Would Obito have approved of it?

Or Rin?

Kakashi blinked back his tears that threatened to spill onto his pale skin. Rin, lovely, calming Rin. He still remembered her so well, her dark brown, shoulder-length hair, friendly hazel, eyes. She had two lilac marks on her cheeks. And her smile. Warm and loving. Kakashi would never admit it, but he had feelings for Rin, especially after his Obito's tragic death. He remembered how she loved eating strawberries, and collecting seashells. She once offered him a strawberry, but he blushed and waved it away. How he wished he had accepted it now.

Her smile would make his heart soar, and her tears shattered him. He remembered that day, where she stood in front of him, her eyes scared beyond reason, gazing into his. Crimson blood dripped down her light pink lips. Tears spilled from her eyes. His heart cracked. His arm. Ripping through her chest. A final beat. She collapsed. Kakashi could still hear her last word to him.

'...Ka...kashi...'

His name.

He gave a depressed sigh, and gazed at the village Konoha, probably for the last time. He looked at the mountains, with three faces engraved on them. The First, Second and Third Hokages, faces sternly looked back at him. In the mountain's shadow, the busy little village of Konoha came, with people rushing to go home, lights turning on, giving warm glows, and children waving goodbye to their friends. And what was Kakashi doing? Standing on the brink of a cliff, going over a few things before deciding to go into the Reaper's welcoming arms.

Kakashi was only doing this to leave all the pain. Pain that clawed his already damaged heart everyday and made every second feel like a heart attack. Pain that made him cringe from too many hurting thoughts. Pain that forced him to cry himself to sleep. He wanted no more pain, but willed more than anything for peace. Heaven. He may see Rin, Obito, and perhaps his Father. And his Mother. One thing he'd longed for since he had common sense and the ability to speak was to see what his Mother looked like and her name. His Father hid everything from him, probably because of pain.

Pain, pain, pain, pain. It destroyed everyone at one point. Sometimes drove them mad. In some cases, suicide. Like right now.

Kakashi gulped as he looked down again. Such a height, would he have the courage to jump? Fear plagued his insides. Would it hurt, falling down on the ground? He imagined the bloody mess he would be in. Limbs in awkward angles, bones snapped, eyes dead. A still heart and no signs of breathing. It didn't feel very appealing, but then again, what choice did he have?

He wasn't doing this for his own selfishness to escape pain only. He was doing this as a punishment. If he wanted to escape pain, he would have taken the poisonous berries he saw by the creek along with a sleeping pill and it would all be over without him knowing a thing. He thought the jump would be more, painful. He knew he deserved it.

It was his fault Obito had died, crushed by the boulder that was meant to crush _him_, and then buried under rubble, left by himself to die. If he had been nicer with Obito, cooperated with him earlier, none of it would have happened. He wouldn't have gotten knocked out by the rock if he had seen it coming with two eyes. It was his fault he lost one as well, causing that. Everything was his fault.

Even Rin's death...

That was something he would never forgive himself for. Rin. He killed her. No, he murdered her. She left the world seeing her best friend, team-mate, and love drive chidori through her beating heart. He broke his promise to Obito. _Look after Rin for me_. Look after? Hell, he'd killed her! He didn't deserve to live after that! He broke his word, he murdered someone close to him, he caused the death of his friend..._  
_

He killed his own Mother for God's sake! It was his fault for not being born properly and therefore weakening his Mother and killing her! All-his-fault!

Kakashi began to rack in sobs, tears cascading down his eye. All his stupid fault. So what if he was a prodigy, jonin and all? Who cared? He was still stupid little Kakashi, killer of his Mother, friend, and love. He cried his little heart out. But he couldn't just feel sorry for himself. He had to do it, before he lost the courage and everything would be for nothing.

Kakashi sucked a deep breath and forced himself to stop crying.

_A ninja must never show tears_

He clenched his fists. Closed his eyes, after taking one last look at the sun, the sky. Konoha. He strode over the very edge. Let the wind give him a goodbye. Then he jumped.

He could feel the air whistling past him. On and on. He wouldn't open his eyes. He didn't deserve to enjoy his last moments of life. He was falling, falling, his stomach tumbling around, making him feel like butterflies were in them. He didn't care. Who cared about butterflies in stomachs when they were going to die? Kakashi continued with his descent. At one point he hit a rough surface at his side. His arm gave a crack and pain shot through it. Probably broke. Eh, no problem. He wouldn't need it anyways.

Kakashi let a few memories drift through his head. Rin's smile, Gai's thumbs up, Minato-Sensei giving him his custom made kunai, Sakumo ruffling his hair, Obito lifting his ridiculous orange goggles and grinning. He saw the gang, Kurenai, Asuma, Genma, everyone, all in a group, giving him a smile. Seeing him off.

Kakashi stayed hooked to the picture for a while. It felt peaceful.

_BANG!_

He hit something. No, his head hit something. No! No! He was passing out! NO! He hadn't reached the bottom yet! NO! NO! NO! HE HAD TO DIE IN PAIN! HE HAD TO! HAD TO! HAD TO! HE DIDN'T DESERVE TO DIE IN PEACE! NOOOO!

Kakashi fought against conciousness, but was fighting a losing battle. Darkness took everything, his thoughts, his picture, his memories, his common sense. He drifted...

* * *

Argh, pain, pain, pain. His arm felt pain, his head felt pain. Most of all, his heart felt pain. Argh. Where was he?

Kakashi let his eyes flutter open and met a night sky. He was... he was somewhere. And he was... not lying down. Wait. Someone was holding him! He struggled weakly at the persons grip but failed. He panted at how tired he felt from the slight exertion.

'So, you're awake.' A familiar voice said quietly.

Kakashi suddenly felt very alert. He knew this person. It sounded familiar.

'...Minato-Sensei...?'

'Yes, it is me, Kakashi. That was a foolish thing you did back there.' His Sensei said sternly. Kakashi suddenly felt a little shame, but then realized what he had done was right

'If I hadn't telelported to you and telelported back to the top of Hokage Mountain, you would have been done for. That was silly of you Kakashi. I thought you had common sense.' Minato said in angry tone. Kakashi merely ignored it.

'I deserved it. It was my fault my Mother, Obito and... Rin... all died. I have to take responsibility of their deaths. It's all my fault. I need to die.' He said firmly, faltering only at mentioning Rin's name. At the end, he realized his goal hadn't been achieved yet. He still needed to die. Heck, he had to! It was his mission, and shinobi should never fail a mission! Ever!

His eyes darted around for something, anything, to kill himself with. His eyes spied Minato-Sensei's Kunai pouch. As Minato-Sensei kept his attention at Kakashi's face, Kakashi sneakily let his hand slip into the pouch and snag a kunai. He took it out, and made a swift move to stab himself, hopefully in the heart, quick enough so Minato-Sensei couldn't do anything.

'Oh no you don't!' The young man said in a serious tone, grabbing the kunai out of Kakashi's little hand. Kakashi let out a moan of anguish. He failed killing himself, again. Why was it so easy to get killed in a battlefield, yet so hard to get killed at home? He growled at his position.

Minato gave a sigh ,'Kakashi, I know you're suffering, but you have to understand, their deaths weren't your fault. Your Mother, she was already very ill, before she even became pregnant with you. Unknowingly, she was suffering from Hepatitis B. I don't know how or why, the doctors never even found out, despite all the check-ups. When you were born, that was when it became clear she had it, but by then it was too late. It had gone too far, and beyond our control. She knew she was going to die. It wasn't your fault. Obito died as a martyr in some sense. He wanted his team-mates to live. Didn't you hear his words 'Those that break the rules and regulations are scum. But those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum.' That was his _nindo_, his ninja way. He was not about to let his _nindo_ down, even if it meant costing his life, the mission, or both. As for Rin, she wanted to die. She knew what they did to her, and she knew her being alive was a great risk for the Hidden Leaf. She chose death for her comrades. Rin was brave, and her sacrifice won't be forgotten, Kakashi. None of their deaths were your fault.'

By the end, Kakashi was reduced to a crying mess. His frame shook with sobs as he cried. He missed his comrades so much... why did they have to leave? He wanted to see Obito again, with those childish eyes and big smile, to talk to him again and be the friend he never had been to him, and he wanted to see Rin again, hug her, kiss her forehead, and say he loved her, and he hoped he loved her back, and that he was so sorry for what he did. He was so alone...

The teen didn't even notice when Minato held him in an embrace, shushed him, and stroked his silver hair. He rocked the young Hatake in his lap until his sobs went silent and slow breathing could be heard. He let out a sigh and brought the teen closer to him.

'Oh Kakashi. Don't you see I'm still here and I care for you?' The Sensei said in a slightly defeated voice. He gazed at the stars, and wondered why the boy punished himself with a painful death. But then again, it was probably influenced by Sakumo. He looked at the boy's bandaged head and his arm in a sling, before sighing again.

Minato continued looking at the stars, and wondered what Kushina was doing at home, if she was thinking about him, and if she missed him.

* * *

**I actually intended to upload this like, over a month ago, but school came and decided to delay it. A bit of reference, the whole Hepatitis B thing, it happened to my Grandpa. He died 22 years ago because of it. He never knew he had it, and when he did, it was too late. Sad I never even met him. **

**Anyways, I'm planning on releasing another one-shot soon, but definitely not till the weekend. It is not a Naruto fic, but Yu-Gi-Oh!, and it is about a favourite duo of mine, Bakura and Ryou. Hope you guys enjoy. Aftermath will probably be continued during May. Definitely not till after April, because I have three mega important tests then that will affect my future.**

**For now, Sayenora, sorry if I have any mistakes in the text, and hopefully we shall cross paths once again,**

**-YamiB1999**


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